The past month or so has been quite busy but in a really good way. Moving into maintenance chemo has definitely been easier to handle and I can be more active and involved. I went back to work 2 mornings/week, started taking tennis lessons thanks to my dear friend, was able to get involved with Odyssey of the mind with Pierro, and at the end of February went to a training in Tampa! I had wanted to do this training back in September but with being diagnosed, I had to cancel those plans.
I have worked with many wonderful supervisors/mentors over the course of the years. The most influential supervisor I have had was back in 1999 in Montreal. Dr. Surkis was really one of a kind and I learned so much through him, things that I would never have learned from my books. His approach was nothing like what I had learned before and he used language to help people move to higher levels of functioning. To this day, I still listen to the words people use and utilize some of the strategies he has taught me. Well, I have been thrilled to meet my new flame. Dr. Connelly came up with a technique called Clinical Hypnosis with Rapid Trauma Resolution. In many ways he reminds me of my dear Dr. Surkis. He talks in metaphors, is very careful with the words he uses, and has an unconventional way of doing therapy (which is probably what is so appealing to me!).
I had the amazing opportunity to “hang out” with him for a 1:1 session and wow!!!, this guy knows what he is doing! We had been talking for less than 10 minutes when he identified the glitch in my mind without me saying much about myself and my situation. He heard me talk about my desire, my wanting to cure myself of the cancer despite the odds. His question to me was whether my “wanting” was valuable and advantageous for me. Without hesitation I replied “absolutely”. Then he went on describing different situations through metaphors where people’s “wants” ended up being more detrimental than useful. I came to the realization that my “wanting so bad” was connected to high expectations and a wish to control. Together, we figured out that my wanting was not so much driven by desire but rather by a sense of desperateness. Of course I have been desperate to heal, I am only 40, I have an advanced deadly disease, I have been given a grim prognosis, I have two young boys and a loving husband, I have so much to lose, there is so much at stakes. My sense of desperateness is the way my mind has been responding to my having cancer and it was time to evaluate if this was useful or not. Dr. Connelly then gave me the following example: take someone who has no problems putting his pants on, wake him up one morning with a gun to his head and tell him to put his pants on and if he messes it up, tell him you will shoot him and his kids. So this guy ends up putting his 2 feet in the same leg and trips and falls. Him screwing up certainly was not because he wasn’t motivated enough to do a good job. So my response to this was “I just need to put my gun down”. As soon as I said this, I sensed peace within myself, I could finally relax. The image I had was that I could stop treading water and start moving forward. It is in my personality to always give my 110%, so not only have I been treading water for the past 8 months, I was not just trying to keep my head above the water but I would try to keep the shoulders out too. If you have never tried this, try it, you will see how much energy this takes! So now I can stop treading water, I know I am a good swimmer, I can let myself float on my back and just relax. I don’t need to “be” strong because I “know” that I am. So all this wasted energy can be used for healing. I have known about this on a conscious level but something happened in my session where it “clicked” in my heart, where my mind connected with my heart. Dr. Connelly would say that my intellectual mind connected with my primitive mind or that “snowflake” connected with “goat”! This is now so clear to me, I know it sounds simple but I know I have cleared some junk out and now feel lighter. It may not make sense to you all, but it sure does make a lot of sense to me and I feel so much free-er. Thank you Dr. Connelly, you totally rock! I can’t wait for my level II training and hope to be able to help others using your techniques like you helped me!