Parenting with cancer

It started off as a regular chemo Monday until our plans were changed as my little one had a fever. We couldn’t send him to school, nor could we take him with us, who brings a feverish child to an oncologist’s office and expose him to all the immunodeficient people fighting for their lives? I was meeting with my doctor that morning and was counting on my husband being there with me. My husband has been to almost all of my appointments but had to miss a couple when they couldn’t schedule me early enough in the day. You would think that being a regular would get you preferred scheduling benefits but I guess not! In any case, I really wanted my husband by my side because I have been feeling frustrated with my doctor and I knew he would keep me in check. I promised not to say anything and keep my mouth shut. Nothing traumatic but I was given information that was upsetting and I really wish he would have been there with me. I came home and my husband left for work, he offered to stay but since he had to miss work the previous week for my colonoscopy, I told him to go. The last thing I want is to worry about him losing his job. My son noticed that my face was red “you look like you were crying mom”, “no no honey I must be really hot” I responded, then my inner voice kicked in and reminded me that I needed to be strong, that I didn’t want to worry him, “keep it together” became my mantra. Now the normal mom’s stuff kicked in, trying to figure out what to do with him. A visit to the doctor 3 days prior indicated that it was probably just a virus and his lungs were clear. Fever was better but cough was still just as bad and it was actually pretty bad, what do I do? I called his doctor’s office and didn’t hear back until the end of the afternoon, I guess they were pretty busy too, it was Monday for everyone! They instructed me to go to the walk-in clinic as we needed to rule out pneumonia and they would probably want to get an x-ray. So to the walk-in clinic we went. I was feeling PTSDish in the car driving there, I had not been to that clinic since the ultrasound and MRI that had discovered the tumors in my liver, I wasn’t sure how I would feel walking in there. On the way, my son started asking me questions about what they were going to do and I explained that he would probably get an x-ray to see if he had pneumonia. He then asked me what pneumonia was and I did the best I could to explain it in a way that an 8 year-old would understand. After a period of silence, he finally responded “I hope it’s pneumonia”, “why” I asked, “because I don’t want it to be cancer”…

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2 thoughts on “Parenting with cancer

  1. hugs to you all hope he is better now love Ruthie

    2014-10-07 15:23 GMT+02:00, Beating Stage IV Colon Cancer at 40

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